I am a monster. Hate me. Destroy me.

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13 June 2007

WORRY [wur-ee, whur-ee]
to torment oneself with cares, anxieties, etc. or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret; trouble; plague

Is the word good or bad?

Should we worry, or not?

Well, I decided to do this post because it dawned onto me that every decision we make is somehow linked to our worries and fears for the worst.

I myself am quite a worrywart.

I worry about my studies, my friends, my family, my life, people's impressions of me...and I even worry that I'll end up dumbfounded when I order something from a coffeeshop and have to use my half-past-six Mandarin to make an order to the Chinese educated uncle or auntie.

I worried for my O Levels so much that before every paper, I had nightmares of me dying in a different way...EVERY NIGHT.

No idea why, though.

I promised myself to stay calm and just do the papers to the best of my ability...and I was calm.

But I suppose subconsciously, I still worried.

So once the O Levels were over, I decided to have a change in attitude.

I used to care and fret over TONS of stuff, even worried about things that I very well knew I couldn't change, no matter how much I wished.

I remember when I used to rant about everything.

Geez. I was a fireball.

And it wasn't good for me or for anyone else around me.

So right now, the Melissa you're seeing is the (considerably) more apathetic one.

But enough about me.

I just hate it when everyone's so dogged down by worries that nothing gets done and everyone just ends up getting insomnia, wrinkles and high blood pressure.

I'm not saying that we should be totally apathetic and not worry at all, but worry in moderation.

What's the use of just sitting there worrying about the worst that could happen?

Might as well just weigh the possibilities of a mishap or mistake and look at the matter logically and calmly, right?

Of course, this is the idealist in me speaking once again.

Of course, I worry too.

Of course, I might even be contradicting myself.

But it's just frustrating when people around me keep throwing their worries to me, expecting me to compromise and give up something I wish to do so badly just so that they won't worry.

(I won't elaborate, because I know that the worry is all out of love and concern, but seriously, the probability of a mishap is LOW.)

What could I do?

I can't possibly go round pretending that I'm fine. That'll make me a hypocrite.

But, I can't possibly go round sulking too. That'll make me a brat.

I want to live my life to the fullest, but I also know the importance of responsibility to myself and others around me.

Ah, life's confusing like that.

Oh well, I'll leave that matter to time.

Till then, ciao.