"I know a thing about contrition,
because I've got enough to spare."
A brand new blog URL.
Surprised?
I can just imagine you going 'Why, Melissa? You've got too much time on your hands?'
Nope.
The thing is, when I was doing some self reflection last night, a pang of guilt struck me. It made me question if I was being a hypocrite and just another angsty teenager. Of course, the irony of it all lies in that I was so blatently condemning the uselessness of teen angst when I myself was blogging as a very fired up, pissed off (and sometimes vulgar) young adult.
The reason I started that blog was actually a devious avenue to boost my own ego. Yes. It was also due to my constant urge to change people and the way they think. Looking back, I've realised all the posts had an angry/sarcastic tone. Why? Well, basically I looked at the blog as a way to vent my anger and annoyance. When I was happy, I didn't give two hoots to blog because, well, the sensationalism of an excited 16 year old was just as much as staring at a brick wall. But when I was angry, I could go on and on about the matter, while throwing in some dramatic (and extremely frivolous) phrases here and there. Let's face it, people are more interested in controversy than contentment.
I was sinking into a vicious cycle of constant criticism of other people. All I did was point out and nitpick on the bad points in others but ignored the bad points IN MYSELF.
I have asked myself why I am so easily annoyed at bad behaviour. I owe all of it to my continuous urge to change the world into a better place. While that idea might reek of pomposity, I actually thought that I could chide people into changing.
I was wrong.
Very wrong.
The thing is, people NEVER change when you ask them to. I know, because I am like that myself. Being the stubborn, narcissistic person I am, when orders are shoved into my face and I am forced to be someone I don't want to, I simply refuse to budge. I might tolerate and do the task, but deep inside, I know very well that I did it out of sheer obligation.
I believe everyone is the same. People change only when THEY THEMSELVES WANT TO.
I was sick of being preachy and having my advice fall on deaf ears. I used to like to think I was doing a favour for the person but I have since realised my inability to do so. The only person I could ever change is myself. No one else.
I am fallible and I make mistakes. Maybe even more mistakes than those people whom I have denounced.
Right now, with the help of my rumination and possibly divine intervention, I am starting afresh. I am going to banish the demons in my mind. They have made me into someone who is constantly at war with myself and who gets persistent nightmares due to negative vibes. So, what better way to begin than to start a new blog?
Before I end my long sob story (LOL), I would like to apologise to anyone who had felt the brunt of my immature, callous remarks and came across my shameless use of certain explicitives. It really wasn't my intention to be so vulgar. It does not give any respect to both the readers and myself. It made me into any other foul-mouthed hooligan you'd find on the streets. So I'm cutting down (and hopefully off) my use of them. I am urging anyone else who uses them casually to refrain from using them as well. You deserve all the respect you get, so why make people lose their reverence of you just because of one or two vulgarities?
Ah, here I go, preaching again. ROTFL.
This post has been long enough. I thank you for the time you took out to read it. You can carry on with your life now :]
P.S. I would love to thank My Chemical Romance for being my 'background music' when I was reflecting. And also for making me optimistic when I got emotional.